About Reagan, Bernie, and Alzheimer's: I chose prayer
How do you pray for someone who medically has no hope?

Article was added to FaithandValues.com in July 2004.

By Shirley Schwaller

A friend once confessed it’s hard to know how to pray for someone trapped in an empty shell of a body that doesn’t work.

“We lost Ronald Reagan 10 years ago to Alzheimer’s,” said more than one commentator about America’s former president.

Another person lamented to me he didn’t know how to pray when his aunt, who had Huntington’s disease, became so impaired physically she could no longer speak, walk or eat. “I didn’t know whether to pray for her to go quickly and end this misery, or not,” he said.

My own family has experienced this confusion. My father-in-law, Bernie, had Alzheimer’s and later was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I heard one member of the family express uncertainty over how to pray for him. Was it wrong to pray that he go quickly and painlessly?

I found comfort.

To me, it was so wrong for Bernie to be trapped in a debilitating disease that would slowly rob him of mental and physical ability. But I found comfort in an idea from Science and Health, a book that explains the relationship between man and God. Author Mary Baker Eddy writes, “When speaking of God's children, not the children of men, Jesus said, ‘The kingdom of God is within you;’ that is, Truth and Love reign in the real man, showing that man in God's image is unfallen and eternal.”

I’ve come to know God as Love itself. And when I think about all-powerful Love, I know that it never causes or sends pain or hurt. God as divine Love wouldn’t hurt His own creation. As I prayed about Bernie, I began to understand that the goodness inherent in Love’s creation, which included Bernie, couldn’t be diminished or fade away. It must still be very present and eternal. I wanted to continue to see and acknowledge the good I knew my father-in-law possessed from his loving Creator.

Even his humor shined through.

As I prayed to see more love and permanent good in my relationship with Bernie, many of our interactions changed. My new focus helped me be less disheartened by his illness and I found it easier to visit him at the nursing home. I began to see that the qualities we all loved in Bernie were still there—the courtliness, the friendliness, the sparkle. Even his humor shined through.

And he still could crack us up. One evening when we went out to see Christmas lights, Bernie remarked, “Those are the best Christmas lights I’ve ever seen in Houston—or Dallas, or wherever the hell we are!” We all delighted in his ability to lighten the mood under the circumstances. He might not have known where he was, but he knew he was grateful. No disease could keep him from expressing joy, or giving us joy.

I was genuinely joyful in his presence.

My father-in-law did pass on from the cancer, but my prayers allowed me to see him as a vital example of God’s love for mankind, and I was able to be genuinely joyful in his presence.

Reagan's daughter, Patti Davis, was with her father and his wife when he passed on. She recalled in an article in Newsweek, "He opened his eyes and he looked at Nancy for a good minute. [He] saw her, there was no doubt in my mind. It was as if his soul was saying, 'Hey, I was never really affected by all this.'"

I think this is true for Bernie, too. Who he really is as God's child was never really affected. My prayers helped me see this, and gave me comfort.

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